Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Relying on God for the little things about my little one

"I'm praying that Jesus will give you just enough strength each day to keep you from losing it but not so much that you forget Who that strength comes from."

There's a blog post that several of my friends have shared on facebook written to the mothers of a woman's children's future spouses. It's worth a read because it's filled with all sorts of gems about the phase of life I'm currently engulfed in, including the quote above. I've lived a very blessed and charmed life with few major crises. I have experienced deep mourning and had some serious struggles over the years, but my day-to-day life has always been fairly manageable.
Which, as someone who likes to be in control, is great but not exactly conducive to developing a complete dependence on God. I wholeheartedly believe that my every breath is a gift from Him, and my salvation is completely owed to Jesus. But, before having a baby, I could make it from sunrise (who am I kidding, I was asleep at sunrise) to sunset without crying out to God. And that doesn't really jive with what I read in Scripture about how I'm supposed to be living.
I like to feel like I have it all together, and there are oh-so-many beautiful and scary aspects of having a baby that have convicted me that I do not have it all together. Since giving birth to a beautiful little human who needs me for her sustenance and every comfort, I have gotten really close to "losing it" more times than I'd like to admit. I am brutally selfish and my irrational rage when deprived of sleep is utterly sinful. But, praise be to God that he has blessed me with a new dependence on Him and His Spirit to make it through the day. I am saying more intentional, spur-of-the-moment prayers and singing more praise songs as I go throughout my day than I ever have before. Because, I just don't have it in me to be the wife and mom I want to be. I value sleep, relaxation, caffeine, and personal space, and right now, those are all in short supply, which all-too-easily make me grumpy.
For example, I genuinely desire to be kind to my Husband when he walks through the door at the end of the day. And on days when my back is aching because I have been holding a baby all day who screams when I get within an inch of sitting down, I cannot, of my own power, be kind to anyone who walks through our door in the evening. I'm just not that good. But, when I take a deep breath and ask God for help being patient, peaceful, loving, and kind, He delivers.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow! He keeps delivering just enough strength so that my selfish, overtired mind doesn't lose it, while compassionately teaching me that I need His help to make it through the day.

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