Sunday, October 19, 2014

New experiences

We went camping yesterday. That is, we drove to the park where my Husband's sister and her family were camping and spent a few hours with them. Baby girl seemed to love being outside and being held. She generally loves to be held, so that part wasn't new. But her first trip to a state park led me to thinking about all sorts of new experiences she'll have in the next year and throughout childhood. 
I hope most of them are good and wholesome like our time yesterday or baking with me for the first time or learning to ride a bike. But there will inevitably be some not-so-good experiences mixed in there. A friend posted on Facebook a while ago that her toddler daughter had gotten to the point where she remembered being sad in the past and could verbalize it. For example, she had cried about being left in class at church and then later told her mom, "I was sad. I cried so much, and you went away."
It was a pretty innocuous situation. The little girl was at church in a safe place, but she just didn't want her mom to leave. And then later she thought about it and remembered being sad. That seems like the type of experience that's so far in my future, but I know it's just around the corner. Sooner than I'm ready, my baby will be walking, talking, and emoting. And sometimes I won't be able to make everything ok by just holding her (or feeding her). 
Our time outdoors yesterday was great, but on the way home, baby girl scream-cried for a solid 10-15 minutes. And I couldn't fix it. Her grandparents finally believe me that she isn't all smiles all the time. :) I knew she was full and had a clean diaper, and I couldn't take her out of the car seat safely, so I was at a loss. I just kept trying to offer her pacifier and tell her that it's ok. 
And I'm sure there will be many times in the future when I have a little girl who grows into a preteen and then teenage girl who just needs me to tell her it's ok. Or that it will be ok. Even when I'm not sure what I can do to help at least I can be there. Which means I have the huge responsibility right now I building up trust and love so that when her world is not ok, I'm the one she wants to tell about it.
Yikes. I think that's enough ponderous thoughts for one day. I'm going to rest until I hear her first cries of the night and then cuddle my baby because who wouldn't want to cuddle this cutie?

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